It was the beginning of September in 2010 when I returned to Canada with my daughter from my happy family vacation in Germany. I was so looking forward to be with my husband again and so was Heidi.
But life was supposed to change. Little did I know the journey I would have ahead of me and am still travelling.
He disappeared. For two weeks I had no idea where my husband went to. Leaving me and our ten months old daughter at the time behind. With all credit cards, debit cards and cash removed from the house, I found myself in the living room with a sick child wondering what I could have done wrong and why this was happening to me.
To the day I am unfortunately not able to say why he has left me. But the things he has done to me to ensure my life will never be the same have certainly shown that he is a very sick individual and that he is mentally unstable.
Where do I start? I guess from the beginning....
September 5, 2010 I came back from my 10 year High School Reunion, so proud and everyone now knew how great my life was. Married, a child, two companies with a third one just opening up. A big house, a gallery in Yorkville. What a life I had. Sure my ex husband and I had sometimes the usual arguements, but for nothing in the whole wide world would I have left my husband.
So one day I realized that all my bank cards didn't work anymore and all the money on it had vanished. And so did my husband.
For two weeks I had no idea where he possibly could have gone.
When he returned, with a big smile on his face, he explained to me that he is leaving me. He gave me a plan on how he is going to destroy every single one of our beautiful lives. So it wasnt just me who was about to enter a road trip to hell.
One day in October my husband lost it. Of course we were argueing but to come towards me and to try and strangle me left me absolutely speechless. I had to call the police who arrived within minutes. Thank god that my neighbour was there to help me.
The reason why I am writting this is to raise awereness of our brutal system which shows no support when most needed.
My now ex-husband found himself a brilliant criminal lawyer who managed to get him out of the situation he has put himself into.
HOW?
Well, My ex sued 17 police officers and won. Why? Because he was not fed in jail and because he did not get to see the judge within 24 hours. (27 to be percise). Therefore my case was dismissed.
I would like to explain the time during his bail order though. He was not allwoed into the house, however was still able to go to his studio and continue his work. Just too bad for me I guess that the studio was still in our house. So how did we deal with that? We did not.
There was nothing that kept me safe.
My ex entered the house one day while I was gone and emptied it completely.
My ex also installed over 20 video cameras to keep a close eye on me.
My ex also trashed my room mate's room, and left a note behind that read 'I am sorry if things got moved around, but I have two witnesses".
Well, when I called the police the only answer I got was " I am sorry love, but there is nothing we can do, it is his house, he can do whatever he wants" and because it is registered under his business he is entitled to be in there.
Great ! Who was there to help? NO ONE!!!! Why do we have a bail order system????
One day I found a racoon in my kitchen destroying everything. Again who would believe me that it was him who planted it there. NO ONE. !!!!
I started feeling like that I am the one slowly going crazy. Because my story is so ridicolous that I had to start being aware of the people around me. My best friends of course were with me at all times, but telling my story to a stranger they started shaking their heads.
In the meantime I made sure to find myself a good lawyer. Hmmm? was that a good idea? NOPE. What did I get? Nothing. The furniture I lost, I get NO child support or Spousal Support.
I do have to mention that my ex came up with a brilliant plan.
He declared bancruptcy and told the whole world how sad his life is and that he had lost everything he built in twenty years. In the meanwhile he got a new car, flies to Switzerland for three weeks with our daughter, pays for ballet classes, piano lessons and tennis course. HMMMM??? How do you pay for all of this when you are bancrupt?
I do not understand how the system does not see the game this man is playing and has been playing for over 15 years.
His income tax return shows he only made $15000 per year and so did all the other returns from the last 15 years. Why is there no one out there who can ensure justice??????
I have proof that in 2009/2010 he had over $1.6 Million in Sales. What does the Judge say to this? "This is of no relevance."
I am struggling to get my life in order but for some reason the man who destroyed everything is still in conctrol. How can that be? Why because the system insists on Joint Custody. If Joint Custody would be removed from the system the Court's would be a lot emptier as we would not have to run to court all the time and ask the Judge to make the decisions for us.
Mediation does not work for couples like us. Our Ex's do it so they can look good in front of the Judge.
It is the most frustrating system I have ever encountered.
I do agree that a child should grow up with their fathers and mothers around, and that schools should be chosen so it is convenient for both parents, but it would be a lot more efficient if one parent has the control.
In Australia the Court went back to the old system. A young child needs her/his mother the most. Who suffers in this silly 50/50 split.? It is the child! We wouldn't even wanna do this to our own dog. We all know how important it is to sleep in your bed, ONE BED. How do you explain that to your 3 yeard old little girl who has to move from bed to bed every two days? No wonder they go crazy!
Oh and the 'amazing work" the OCL does for our kids! OCL stands for Ontario children Lawyers.
Most of their social workers do not even have kids. They come to your house and tell you to play with your child instantly so they can judge whether you are a good parent or not. REALLLLYYY???????????????????????????????????
My ex husband is the best actor who is out there.
Are you serious that we depend on OCL workers?
But funny enough, the OCL established a recommendation plan for us to which we both agreed to.
Does it help us in our communication>???? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
He still wants to fight over the school even though the OCL has determined I am the one to chose my daughters school in 2013. Great recommendation.
So what are these people being paid for when I cannot use it later on and I end up in court again anyway???
Now after almost three years I finally got divorced on Nov 29th 2012, I was notified on Feb 4th 2013. So I was divorced without even knowing about it. That deserves a big LOL.
Oh and then I would like to share how bad the subsidy offices deal with situations.
Again a reason why joint custody is a bad thing.
My daughter goes to daycare full time so that I can work. My half of the days is being subsidized. But because we have Joint Custody, my ex has to apply for subsidy as well. He is bancrupt and would perfectly qualify for his days to be also subsidized. But because my ex is a very clever man and ensure that I bleed wherever I can, he refuses to apply for it. So what does that mean for me? I am stuck paying approc. $600 a month for his days. If I do not I will lose my job. Great System!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And again who is there to support? NO ONE!!!. Everyone says I am so sorry for your situation, but no one gives a damn.
Now my Ex made me an offer or shall I say black mailed me. He offers to go to the subsidy office to apply for it so the $600 I will not have to worry about any longer. Great idea until I ask what he wants in return?
He is asking me to sign a piece of paper that states that I will never ask for any child or spousal support form him in the future. I should mention that my child will be going to kindergarten as of September, therefore 6 months are only left where I have to pay $600.
I guess his business is going well and I guess he wants to start living again instead of keeping his profile low.
Who do I talk to and who can help me find a job in my field again, where I earn good money so I can ensure a better life for my child.
I am only 31 years old and trust me, if someone is responsible then it is me. If I were only be given a break from all of this. If I were only be able to have my family here to support me...if if if....
but I am sure I am not the only one out there ...it could all be worse in the end.......
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